Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
rhymes with "ouble enetration"
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
Just had a girl agree to give me a blowjob in exchange for wearing my jacket during class. Talk about successful negotiations. Best day of my life
where are you?
Hypothermia
YOU COME FROM SAD WHALE FAMILY, DEEP IN OCEAN!
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
Pretty sure I recall hugging our waiter from the bar last night. That also means we are NEVER going there again
I shaved my legs and got a bikini wax, I don't care what I take home as long as it has a penis
Just to be a PITA after I die, my will leaves 1 cent to each of my FB friends. I hate my lawyer.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
Tinder recommend to a friend: making threesomes easier since 2016
its hard to say precisely how it happened, but the next thing i knew i was on top of a mountain
Randomize
