Gonna be late. Someone jumped in front of our train.
My only options right now are Herpes, Gay, or Vanilla.
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
you were cooking a hot pocket with a grill lighter what did you want me to do
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
Watching porn with a bag of marshmallows. Thats when you know you're stoned.
So roofie roulette was a success but I'm a little worried that the 2 who got the tainted beer still haven't contacted anyone...
Sexual tension squid is drowning in the sexual tension
I showed up to a booty-call in my onesie pajamas and rubber boots
I woke up sick this morning, maybe sucking a random dudes finger at a bar last night wasn't that clean of an idea.....
I mean...he danced with his dick still inside of me. What more could a girl ask for?
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
Look, I need your help, not your judgment.
Apologies that our conversations always turn to butt sex or penis size. I thought we out grew that in our 20's.
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