Honestly, I don't care if the only reason she gave me her beer was because she was bisexual and wanted to touch my vagina. Beer is beer.
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
Oh, and I'm only keeping her around till spring. Doing the hunt for cunt is too tough in 12" of snow.
Found out it was only pneumonia. We celebrated hydrocodone cough syrup. Two long island ice teas at lunch and the random white powder we found in her purse. Mother of the year award.
Is it true if I say your name three times, you'll appear and whore everything up?
I'm a gymnast. they should know better than to let me get dunk near anything i can flip on
I walked in, the bartender looked at me, grabbed 3 shot glasses and a pounder. Lined them up on the bar then made a line with salt on the other side of them and said I wasn't allowed to cross it.
after you left he started opening his bottles by smashing the neck against the edge of the fireplace and pouring beer into his mouth. it was about the manliest thing ive ever seen. its probably how lumberjacks open their beers... if they didnt have their axes handy.
After getting all 4 of my wisdom teeth removed I asked my dentist how much better would I be at head
I just drove by a stop sign that had a used maxi pad stuck to it WHAT THE FUCK
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
My eye was non-stop itchy for like an hour... I thought burying my face in your ass caught up with me
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Randomize
