he's making romantic advances towards me. and he has a pet snake. 2nd part not relevant, but interesting.
after I pulled back my foreskin she said, "cool like a transformer". I really like her now.
you can add "aspirated seaman" to the list of things your sister has been admitted to the hospital for
I came home to the cats covered in paint and he was asleep in the tub with a firefighters hat on.
You were fucking on a porch at a party, not much privacy should be expected
How do I tell a friend I drunkenly broke into his house and may have lost his dog
Ahahhahaha I'm not that stupid but then again I thought cabo was in Africa until yesterday
I don't know but someone, somewhere gave someone a hand job and someone else was pissed about it...
I have a new philosophy. Fuck wearing bras, it's summertime.
I'm surprised I don't have a permanent face imprint between my boobs.
You were wearing a cookie monster onesie and telling everyone you were actually the sausage monster..
On the bright side I still got laid
This time last year, you were undressing me from my gecko costume and getting freaky in a public bathroom. Tough to top that New Years Eve.
Henceforth: booty calls will now be referred to as "deliveries of anatomy". That is all.
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
Randomize
