I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
apparently breaking a beer bottle and then throwing up in a urinal is a terrible way to pick up girls.
Things got a little weird when he fired up his homemade flamethrower in the living room.
It's 4PM and I'm finally awake.. I'm covered in dog fur and shame. I'd say it counts as a good night.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I want everyone to love me, and THEN I will choose who gets to eat me out all the time.
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
You merely adopted the alcohol. I was born into it. Molded by it. I didn't see the hang over until I was a man and by then it was only blinding.
We had sex to beyonce's "drunk in love" and then he order me pizza. It was perf
Google Maps needs to have a hungover setting. That bitch talks too loud and all I want is breakfast tacos & a bloody fucking mary.
I did not pay that kind of money so that It could be hidden. that bra needs to shine in glory so that it can be seen by the world.
There's a random table in the kitchen...and it's not the kitchen table...we don't know where it came from
Sorry, i'm on a strict diet of vodka and regret
Randomize