someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
I'm going to leave the fate of whether I go to my midterms up to my dealer hitting me up or not
He literally stopped in the middle of sex to look up sex positions on his iPhone...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think
Seriously just confirmed via our bathroom scale that a keg weighs 170lbs
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
her vagina just converted me to Judaism.
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
Was so drunk I had to masturbate face up cuz I thought I was gonna be suffocated by the pillows.
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
You stopped loving me for a minute.
You sent me "Is nap," I don't think that really counts as a conversation starter.
I love how my parents bring water bottles filled with vodka on family trips
Naw dude theres seriously a lobster in my sock drawer. Why?
Randomize
