Just incase you were wondering, the count of ladies who have perioded on chairs at our fine restaurant is now at 3.
I dont ever wanna see you tell my little brother to "spread the seed" ever again
I just saw a girl make a shank with the underwire in her bra...
my mom just used "raw dog" in a sentence correctly, time to move out.
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
I cant help but love a girl who informs me of the pregnancy test results by emailing me a YouTube clip of Barney Stinsons not a fathers day speech.
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
No matter what I do you still love me. It's like loving a retarded kid. A retarded kid that keeps trying to sleep with you.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
I'm going to miss recovering from hangovers on the beach. Rolling around in my dorm bed and watching Friends reruns is just gonna feel like slumming it.
You are the jesus of drinking
Well if I can't snuggle you, I might as well snuggle a stranger's cat.
So high that I just walked into class, late, sat down in my desk, and tried to buckle my seatbelt.
you asked me how to turn on the ladder
Randomize
