HIV tests are more positive than that guy
i dont think there is any level of not caring that i havent covered in the last month
Poopin on the sidewaaalllkkk. I wish my text told you that was a song
My sheets, bed, and bathroom are covered in blood. She needed 14 stitches after a trip to ER. This is the last white girl I ever hookup with.
She seriously pointed at the couch and asked me if she could "ride the talking giraffe". I'll never serve everclear again.
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
Did you know that if you chase vodka with cheap red wine it tastes exactly like college alcoholism?
I threw up in a pringles can. how do you think my night went.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
Well. I mean as excuses for running late go, 'losing track of time in the bathhouse' has gotta be up there on the top ten.
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
i was too drunk before they even got here. i took all their phones instead of keys and hid them in the freezerr...im an awesome party host.
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