she's naming her girl london marie
that kid will be born with a tramp stamp
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
normally I beat off every night before I go to bed even though my little brother sleeps in the same room. So I was starting to last night, and he jumped out of bed and said "Fuck, Im not listening to this shit again" We havent talked since. fuck me
Ifound a recepit for a hotel room in my sock. soo.. Ithink thats where my dog is.
then he tried to convert me to islam
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
He's texting from midnight mass asking for nude pics. Baby Jesus is spinning in his manger as we speak
The number of tpain songs that actually relate to my life right now is embarrassing.
In light of this week's heat-wave, we are having a house vote tonight on the temporary suspension of the "no smoking indoors" clause. Please bring your voting cards to the living room at 6:30pm
Point of Clarification: by "voting card" we mean a full beer and/or shots
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
My mother is a bitch. She just outed me to my dad. He wants to meet you by the way...
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Looks like I accidentally stole two of your beers and left my pants at your place.
How did you leave without pants?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Put my boyfriend in a chastity cage while he was passed out last night. Now I control his orgasms.
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