Came home and the girl was sitting on the steps "talking" on her ipod touch AND was halfway done eating a raw cucumber.
we were so desperate we resorted to lego blocks. nuff said.
I'm cheering for the colts this year. I basically have to since my fake says i'm from indianapolis
i just woke up to 15 people singing a whole new world
What?? I'm covered in blood at the hospital, I atleast deserve a pic of someones boobs
i can't find my house
we droppd you off right in front! i even walked you to the steps less then 3 mins ago.
i'm pretty sure my house moved.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
Just did a relay race involving shotgunning beers, cannonballs and riding a blowup whale. Never want to leave vacation.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
My mom wants to know what to send you in a care package. She used cat emojis, so you know it's serious
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
its like my brain is a tree and you are those little cookie elves
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
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