I need to just get drunk and eat a pot pie.
Well. Nothing came of that. And to think I manscaped and dusted with gold bond.
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
when he was about to finish he told me to avert my eyes and keep my lady parts away. chivalry isnt dead.
I CAN'T DO THIS MUCH FABULOUS BEFORE LUNCHTIME
Hey I came back and we made joints with the breathalyzers the cops left last night.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
Oh dude I know. When something that's supposed stop pregnancies taste like chocolate something's up
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
Negotiating with my body. We're ok. Violent upheaval is not necessary.
that's the second time I've made out with him and woken up with my pants stuffed with PBRs I am convinced he's magic
He offered to take my unemployed self out for drinks, but I really just want him to buy me the Beyoncé album
I woke up naked and alone this morning. What a life
Randomize
