Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
He never called back after I emailed him my booty call contract.
This boy just came into class wearing sperrys and a polo but also carrying a longboard. I'm unequivocably attracted to his level of doucheyness.
as if moving home wasnt embarassing enough, mom picked up my laundry while i was gone. guess who needs to find a new hiding spot for his cum towel..this guy.
dude i feel like at any given point 3/5 of that family is trying to fuck you
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
once you started introducing yourself as "running-bear" i knew you were beyond fucked up
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
OH AND DAN PET MY CAT WHILE I WAS GIVING HIM HEAD
It just makes me feel nauseous. And I don't want to feel nauseous when all I really want is to get off.
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
So he just rolled you off his dick and fell on the floor?
I just spent 5 minutes saying how beautiful you are and you come back with dont get fat cause you have weird nipples.
I have a 30 pack and enough condoms to last until tomorrow morning. Have Mystery Science Theater 3000 ready. I'm on my way over.
Ugh. It's days like these that make me wish my bad habits would kill me faster
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