Captain Phil from deadliest catch died... im trying to think of a memorial fb status but "ill miss your crabs" doesnt sound right
Party priorities: alcohol > girls > music > cups > decorations
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
no, i'm currently making the trek across campus to get all my stuff from last night. My ID is in one guys bed, and my camera in another guy's bed.
i have a wrist watched drawn on my wrist that it says shot o clock
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
professor came back from spring break missing a tooth
I have 20 seconds to get my life together and look presentable.
My liver is begging me not to go, but sadly enough for him my feet and hands control me getting there.
He was on my bed looking at me like a sacrifice to the gods of gay sex and he's definitely a bottom. Like Jesus Christ a really, really great ass of a bottom.
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Nothing says responsible like taking your birth control with an open bottle of wine you left on your night stand from the night before
Oh my god, my vagina is cursed. He's cursed my vagina so that no one but him can maintain a boner around me. I'm sure of it.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
Randomize
