I just walked into his bathroom to see two poops floating... no toilet paper. WTF!?
This guy just came in and told me how he bought a clock for his cat so his cat can know when he's coming home...
she would only give me a road handjob because she didnt want to unbuckle
safety first
I woke up and my clothes were soaked in the shower and I was wearing a Ghostbusters uniform. I'm shocked she hasn't left me yet.
i just woke up reverse cowgirl on my couch. fully clothed. my laptop is on the floor sideways. blasting gay porn and lady gaga. pizza crust everywhere. goodmorning.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Know what's awkward? Having a couple of moving guys watch while you detach the bondage cuffs from your bedframe, that's what.
I consider my hand a solid 5. So if I'm dipping below a 7.5, I might as well go with old faithful.
Come here I'm naked
And I want mozzarella sticks
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I'm at 45 minutes post orgasm, and I still feel my insides spasming. Pretty sure I just fucked Superman.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
How did delivering mac n cheese to my drug dealer become a two hour outing?
I told him we can’t see each other today because absence makes the heart grow fonder but mostly I just need to rest my vag
do you think that identical twins have the same size junk? i just want to know your opinion before i find out.
Randomize
