I think, one-on-one, Paul Rudd could be very threatening in like a REALLY good way.
this isnt the person you just texted but i have her phone. she disappeared when the bacon came home and she hasn't returned since.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
A 300 lb dude in a sundress yelling bible verses while wearing a raggedy anne wig is just as funny as I thought it would be. Thank you san francisco.
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
Uh, do you remember who's thong is in my tree?
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
Our brains have an emergency blowjob override switch. You saw proof tonight.
Uh oh I Hage to dance yes, my feet are Whitney Houston
Nothing is better than seeing someone you fucked go to the Olympics. I feel so American.
I woke up naked except for someone else's socks. Im so proud
i don't knpow whats goin on i think theyre sacrificeing me to th tequila gods
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
Do you think there are other mothers looking at porn in the carpool line?
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
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