Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
i just got yelled at for having sex. this sorority thing is worst than being at home. at least at home they think im still a virgin
Just remembered getting lost in a "shortcut" through yards and GPSing my way home last night
He just referred to his foreskin as a snuggie. Help.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
You don't understand she was in the fountain pretending she was diving for treasure. I couldn't possibly ruin her dreams.
i came home to her naked eating chilli on the living room floor. Stop giving her jager.
I may or may not have just hot boxed a backhoe on the construction site of a police station that's being rebuilt..
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
seriously though if NH has the largest penis size... the rest of America must be very disappointed.
FUCK YOU VODKA I'M TRYING TO ADULT RIGHT NOW
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I hate to be the bearer of bad news, but yours is no longer the biggest penis I've seen. It is however, still the prettiest.
Have you ever realized how weird it is to think that you've fucked someone and don't know what their handwriting looks like?
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
