Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
So, halfway through sex he stops and starts crying. He said he's worried god hates him for all his bad decisions...think he meant to imply I was one of them...
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
Please warn me if you ever end up in porn, cause I don't want to stumble across that on accident, okay?
Immediately after I scarfed down an Applebee's appetizer trio for lunch, my boss sent me on an hour long road trip to pick up some parts. Great. I can't wait to shit my pants on US-31 South.
It's Been a while since I puked in vomit bush. I hope it doesn't feel neglected
Last night I made him sit on my bed and finish my burrito bowl as I chanted "brucey" over and over until he was done like they did in Matilda with the chocolate cake
well i maturbated this morning, which means the best part of my day has already happened.
you never un-have a 4some
I just wanna know if were done hooking up so I know of that condom he left in my top drawer is fair game
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
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