Happy Easter!!!
I'm an idiot
We were driving to yogurt express by state and these girls mooned is while they passed us and we saw full vag complete with tampon string dangling.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
tried unsuccessfully for 10 minutes to do bong hits while wearing glow in the dark vampire fangs before realizing air was getting out of the sides of my mouth
I should have kept drinking, a coma can't be as bad as this hangover
I fucked my boyfriend 15 minutes before my pap test. My gyno probably thinks I hate her.
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Correct me if I'm wrong, but I did not stop moving last night. If tequila gives me that extra push to have an active lifestyle, so be it.
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
He used his penis as a drumstick on my back and had me guess what song he was playing.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
