chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
I am so stoned and my professor is handing out candy. I love Halloween.
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
all of his pictures were taken on a library computer, how did you even consider fucking him?
Does he not understand that naked slip and slide needs supervision after dark?!
He apologized for his naked psychotic episode and then we had goodbye sex on his sailboat
that's probably because you left your arm in the fishtank for 90% of the night
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I wouldn't blow him for all the queso in the world.
I'd rather blow that homeless guy who asked me to breast feed him.
Be ready for a dog pile. On your head. With my ass.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I woke up wearing a lax pinnie under my shirt, a triathlon medal, and a dora backpack... I think I had fun
I'm beginning to think shitting his pants is just a normal thing for him.
I don't think I've ever been sadder than the way I feel when I finish my meal while I'm high
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