If you're on a tempurpedic mattress do you think you can feel if someone is jacking off right next to you?
I couldn't tell if he was hitting on me or if he was just mentally challenged.
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
Here's an idea...how about I take shots by myself and drunk dial you around noon?
i was picked up off the floor by a stripper, if thats not a new life low then i dont know what is.
I just ate a whole bag of celery instead of getting up to get a glass of water. That high.
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
I think his parents are learning english from the phrases I shout during sex.
I hid my booze in my old Sesame Street lunch box. Big Bird might be disappointed, but I feel Oscar the Grouch would approve.
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
YALL MOTHERFUCKERS WANNA WATCH HEAVY METAL AND SMOKE WEED AND PLAY POOL AND DRINK BEER AND SMOKE WEED
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
My neck feel like I've been sucking Goliath's dick.
Randomize
