The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Sweet. Might not hurt to poop on the floor anyway.
And then she banged "the first Italian rapper"
apparently i'm the only person who has heard from her since saturday. she texted me "burt reynolds" at 2am sunday
I hope I bought a crossbow. Also I need to not drink that much
she stopped traffic so I could crutch across the street. Clubbing while crippled and drunk is different.
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Ugh I can't even look at alcohol this weekend, my body needs to heal.
I just said "okay we have 20 minutes to get each other off, ready... Set... Go!" and he picked me up and threw me on the bed. I almost came just from that.
yea I went to the store high again.. I think we're having pie for dinner.
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
I'm shopping for Mother's Day cards while waiting for my herpes medication. What is life.
Ok so I'm not gonna ignore the fact that you had sex on a frat basement floor and spent the last 4 years wondering how you got HPV
You are telling me my dick tastes like a taco supreme?
I'm saying this "taco supreme" tastes like your dick.
omg last night while walking home from your house I stole a seatless bike and carried it into my next door neighbors kitchen.. we just looked It up online it's an antique and worth $500 dollars
Randomize
