I'm a simple man, with a social life most psychopaths would cringe at
somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
I decided you couldn't drive after you asked where the time circuits were on your Altima
I wanted to see November 5, 1985
she was using a pencil to fish crushed adderall out of a plastic bag. it was like a college version of fun dip
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
advice for life: when the cop takes your tallboy, don't ask for your coozy back
i dont know everytime i see her teeth i get erectile disfunction
She just sent me videos of her blowing my little bro and my best friend... worst. ex. ever.
As I climbed in the bathroom window from the room I noticed both him rommates staring and talking about me in the hall...
There is nothing more demoralizing than exchanging 150 dollar Christmas gifts with a girl your not sleeping with
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I'm dressed as a caveman and drunk so that's not really an option
He wasn't excited for the fifty shades of grey trailer, so I told him we're done
Would it be weird to bake him a cake that says "sorry I peed on your bed"?
And to celebrate the raising of our lord I just purchased a bunny buttplug. Am I doing this Easter thing right?
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