If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
Have you ever been so weak from sleep you couldn't push your poo out?
normally i'm against accepting campers on facebook but this one saw me giving head to another counselor and didn't say shit about it to my boss so i feel like shes earned the right to look at my sloppy drunk pictures
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
I took us ten minutes to realize the shower sex going upstairs was the reason the kitchen ceiling was flooding.
if you ever get a chance to, fuck in a lecture hall. great acoustics. highly recommend it.
Porch rule of tonight: when you sing, you must use "something" as a microphone. The person to use the most "creative" object gets the door prize...so far Stephie is winning with Jennifer's dog.
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
the cab driver asked if you were our mom. you definitely shouldn't have tipped him so much.
To be so small, the mini-horses are exceptionally aggressive. And fast. Very, very fast.
Abort! Abort! He almost bit off a finger!
I swear the crows are laughing at me.
You my friend are stoned into submission
I have poison ivy on my dick
WHAT
He kept squeezing my butt and telling me how smart I was
You know that episode of Spongebob where Patrick teaches Spongebob to be fancy? His dick was like that, only fancier.
It’s just a penis. It’s like every other penis except it’s not the one you’re married to. Ride it or don’t ride it, but don’t agonize about it
Your not going to hell because you need some strange and the neighbor noticed you look damn good in a bikini
Randomize
