look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
just prayed to lady gaga in hopes it will help me pass my fashion merchandising final...what is my life?
Do you think unemployment will give me a christmas bonus?
guess you're going to miss out on a groin massage and a frosty vagina
explain the missing patches of hair on my cat. now.
I've banged too many servicemen's wives to still be considered an American.
I'm gagging in the liquor aisle just thinking about how much alcohol I'll be drinking this weekend.
I'm not sure how many more innuendos I can slip into this fucking conversation before I just blatantly say "I want to fuck you."
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
High with mom again. She's giving me relationship advice.
We ended up on their roof with our pants around our ankles shotgunning beers at one point.
I'm pretty sure NORMAL roommates don't have to hide each others sex toys from their fuck buddies.
Well, my mom found the ball gag and whip. Looks like I'm never going home again.
Update: pile o Coke party starting at approx 4 - 7 and going until 1ish to celebrate our founding fathers and love of cocaine and hatred of everyone\n
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
Randomize