remember that time i ran away from the bar and passed out in a street cot?
neither do i
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Fuck their fairy tale bullshit. I shall ruin it. With a few thrusts of my cock.
i can't believe i had my finger in that
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
My mom's mothers day present consisted of a card, chocolate and the rose bush I threw up in as I was getting in last night. She loved it.
I have 11 glasses of water and one beer on the table infront of me. Have to keep going to different bartends to get more. There are only two though and I think they've caught on
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
How do u ask ur friend if shes keeping her kid but in a chill way
Bro I just got a hand job playing tiny wings.. Hell yea
bitch, i have a flask. i've got things under control.
god. marry me.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Although the guy I'm messing around with just offered to let me be his rich brother's sugar baby
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