Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
I'm going to write a book about John. It's going to be called big dreams, little dick
I'm going as Jenn Sterger if she answered Favre's calls and ended up in a trash can. If I don't get laid tonight I'm going to be pissed
Sorry for making you give strangers a ride for hits of acid.
I'm a lady, I can't pee on the ceiling. Even I don't have that power.
I just want to know what horrible accidents of evolution allowed that tiny penis to exist
Just ate a chocolate chip cookie upside down. This is what having a degree does for you.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
Seriously babe, why do I keep waking up with bruises on my nipples? WHAT ARE YOU DOING TO ME IN MY SLEEP?
Actually, scratch that, I'm not sure I want to know.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Made out with sailor moon tonight. Childhood dreams do come true.
When the nurses wouldn't let him smoke in the hospital he decided to just roll around on the floor.
Randomize
