but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
I just almost got out my car and drop kicked this one chick over parking. Welcome to the first day of spring semester.
the cop then proceeds to point out the "proud parent of a dare graduate" bumper sticker and say well i guess it's time to take that off
She is high at the bar - she thinks the bottle of frangelico is aunt jemima telling her to stop doing drugs.
He is crying over the toilet and his friends just came in and tried to make him take another jello shot.
The neighbors outside are screaming at one another about God knows what and everyone is too scared to go outside and we NEEd more beer
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I almost had a threesome in a giant beanbag chair. I love college.
Okay, since we're going to be living together and I'm obviously better than you at everything, I have one single simple rule that I want you to follow: DO. NOT. FUCK WITH ME.
just so you know they found you begging for money at the L station. What the fuck did you drink last night?
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
it's a shower with the lights off kind of day
I haven't been drunk for four days and just realized I haven't taken a shit for three. This can't be healthy.
Which part?
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Randomize
