Why did we buy the only spinning apartment on campus?
I am dying of drunk and no thats not a typo.
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
i didnt like the question options for my yahoo account..so i made up the question and it was "favorite bathroom to shit in"
you woke up and yelled "the tv is moving" and fell on the floor and passed back out
Walked into a liquor store bleeding. That kind of night.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
Were you paying girls to come up and grab my cock and tell me I look like bradley Cooper?
Me and allie were just offered cocaine by a strange man in a women's bathroom. Why have I not lived in Austin my whole life?
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
We share an apartment, weed and genitals. It's called being practical not in love.
I'm pretty sure ignoring the person that just sent you a picture of their boobs is bad nude etiquette.
Can you imagine doing supermarket sweep in a sex store? What's the sex store equivalent of a whole ham?
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