I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
Ill pay your DUI fine if you just come see me nooooowwwww
no. its 2:30am and im not going to jail for a booty call
Getting blown during the Cavs game doesn't make it any less depressing.
He just ordered a bottle of Beam at an Italian place for us to share.
I can't wait till you move in so I can stop drinking alone.
it's a Wednesday?
:)
After she cried and passed out at four in the morning, I had a very lovely, very drunken conversation with her mother while decorating a cake into the shape of a penis.
Dude that's beautiful. I've never heard of someone smoking with their bunny.
I feel like I have a connection with him. A marijuana-induced-spiritual connection.
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I feel like a girl who eats her problems away with fast food.
When all else fails, you can always look down at your enormous penis.
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
I made a nest in his bed. I'm not leaving
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
Randomize
