Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
I just broke up with my girlfriend lets go find strippers that need rent money.
Is pulling weed out of a vagina a good thing or a bad thing?
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
I googled what to do, and it said to squeeze the pressure out so people are taking turns sitting on my head. I can't believe I'm allowing this
That's why you NEVER put anything a stripper gave you in your mouth
I heard about the break up and if you need a place to stay my vagina is open for you 24/7
So I met my girlfriends dad last night. Or should I say I re-met that mall cop that had to tackle me.
So. Do you think marshmallow vodka in hot chocolate while eating a graham cracker would = s'mores?
In some strange universe, yes
Please note: when a bouncer tells you to leave, pointing out that their career path makes them a much better judge what to do will not make you friends
Dammit labor day drinking cancelled due to 3 inch long table saw cut to palm
I just found 20 dollars in my vibrator box. Was it a drunken sign to myself to get more?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
My cat just tried to lay on my stomach while I was masturbating. And I let her because I am so starved for affection.
FUCKIN BIRDS ARE CHIRPING AT 4 IN THE MORNING. THE SUN ISN'T RISING YET MOTHERFUCKERS, GO BACK TO YOUR NESTS.
Randomize
