from now on, im only gona ahve sex with my boyfriend.
Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
I'm tuning in to watch Heidi Montag crash and burn on the Miss Universe Pageant. Somebody call 911. and I'm not talking about the Sean Kingston song.
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
I'm not sure which is worse. The fact that I slept with him last night, or the fact that you did too.
Omg just remembered. I tried to kidnap a dog.
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
No, just kidding. But your faith in me to throw a lesbian bridal shower makes me think I an pull it off. To the LGBT bar!
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Let's put it this way, there's not many girls I wouldn't let sit on my face
I got a charlie horse in my ass while masturbating. We are never been going to that boot camp again.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
I told him I want him to read me my Miranda rights while he's fucking me. Act exactly like he does while he's on duty except with his dick out.
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Why did I wake up with a skeleton in my bed? Is it from the lab?
Oh crap, that's where it ended up. Yeah, don't ask.
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