just tell him he has love handles, he'll die of insecurity
it was like fucking the hulk in a smartcar
I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Not even close. I woke up in the bed of Codys truck. Wrapped up in a sleeping bed, using a stuffed alligator as a pillow. And Alex was laying naked beside me. Not to mention I wasn't wearing the clothes I got there in.
You found me in the back room alone eating someone else's whole birthday cake with my hands then asked me if you could join.
And the horses in Central Park have blankets. And Rafiki just told me "it is time" in the back of our cab.
I was tied up in bed before noon, the rest of the day can go to hell.
We are buying drugs from a guy with a Jesus fish on his dodge caravan.
I just added a bunch of arbitrary options to my ouija board. Ghosts can now tell me "cheddar," "the homosexual agenda," "the whole foods vegan aisle," or "viable offspring"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Executive order 941: BRING ME THE FINEST PANCAKES!
You have got to stop watching the West Wing before going out.
Your shirt... Was in my pants
Why am I not drinking beer at 8:26am is the question
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