Everything went well, until I walked into his bedroom and there was a Ronald Reagan poster watching over his bed - creepy
Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
Awkward interaction of the day: Staring at some guy trying out if he is or is not the guy that woke me up yesterday by getting arrested in front of my apartment.
just woke up to find an unpeeled banana, with a condom on, halfway into my vagina. this better not be you trying to be funny
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
How am I feeling this morning? Well, besides the fact that my vagina looks like a pair of giraffe's lips and I'm walking like an over-confident cowgirl, I'm fantastic. Thanks for your concern.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
Can finally say I won't be lonely this Valentine's day! Mother nature decided to drop by.
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
He also needs to focus on not being such a little bitch, but that's none of my business.
The tequila monkeys have a drum solo in my skull right now. I can't imagine Emily feels better.
I went next door to get a can opener from them. They opened the door shirtless, asked me if I wanted to a smoke a joint with them. Then decided to make blueberry smoothies. But the yogurt in the blender & the berries, got confused when the berries blended into the yogurt and just kept adding more. Only stopped when we ran out of berries.
Randomize
