You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
I am currently eating pure cake frosting...I am not sure how I was ever referred to as a responsible adult.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
Dude i'm still drunk and i'm feeding a raccoon cereal from my bedroom window
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
I wasn't talking about him I meant his penis! Its not a pet
Oh. Well it should be. I like petting it.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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