party was madd awkward.. it was like every person who i sat next to in high school and never said hi to was there
I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
She is going down in cock block history. He went in to kiss me and she threw her hand between our faces and yelled "DENIED!"
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
Lol. No. We cannot eat chicken while we have sex. No.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
You definitely in your drunken state were really concerned you would forget to buy milk today
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
Getting drunk in an Applebee's pray for me
Lord god protect this child
Nothing says I love you as your fiancé bringing back home your drunk brother from his own stag party
I woke up the whole house screaming I need my shorts they found me in the kitchen with a bag of strawberries naked
LIKE ALL I WANT TO CURE MY HANGOVER IS PORKROLL AND LIKE 85% OF THIS COUNTRY DOESN'T KNOW WHAT IT IS
Even his sexts are poetic. He said breasts instead of tits so I'm gonna lock this shit down asap
OMG WE ARE UP TO THREE MINORS WORKING HERE. I AM NOT READY FOR THIS MID LIFE CRISIS.
Randomize
