Im telling you now. Hang out with winning football players and you get whatever the hell you want. Sorry to wake you. But its important knowledge.
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
Were betting on little kids falling and racing for a drinking game at the wedding.
He brought a jar of pickles to the party. So now I've had beer, animal crackers, AND a pickle since noon.
Pissed along side the highway while waving at all the traffic... if thats not a sign of a productive night to come then idk what is
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
I couldn't stop laughing at the fact he was cutting lines with a sears card. What 24 year old has a sears card?
It's like my uterus was saying, "hey, you're not pregnant, but imagine if you were!"
Guess who's the proud owner of her very own foxtail butt plug!!
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
Woke up to your boyfriend in my bed last night. What's that about?
Im going to the gym...covered in the Brazilians cum
And how is that different than any other weeknight in your world
I threw up in 4 different Starbucks across the city before 9 am.
I have been adopted by a clan of drunken skinny dipping tourists.
Randomize
