I called her the wrong name twice and she still called me back this morning. DO I still wait two days to call her back?
Nob stitches i do do not bleed anymorr!
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
The lady at the touchless car wash just gave me the look of death. How do I say, "sorry it's not my puke" in Spanish?
bikini waxes are so much more painful when you know you're not getting laid
I'm gonna take off my shirt and spin it around my head like petey Pablo so u can find us
At IHOP. It feels weird and sad that your cleavage isn't here for me to try to toss paper wads into.
I'm pathetic. I'm eating cream puffs in the bath and crying a little.
"he sent me a picture of a puppy in return for a picture of my boobs. He then captioned it with "look it's puppies first time at the beach". "
Leave it to you to bring a trash can into a fist fight.
THAT HOSPITAL MADE ME REALIZE THAT I'M BISEXUAL
Nothing says happy Monday quite like coffee and oral sex.
The stripper started talking about murdering people....that lapdance turned dark.....
You went outside, peed in the front yard, and asked me to bring you some toilet paper.
She said she hasn't cheated on me in 7 and a half days and she'd like praise for that.
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