Also I am about to cut a ringtone from "Sex Machine" so James Brown can tell me to "get up, get on up" in the morning
I once woke up to the scream from 'get up offa that thing' and smacked my head on my desk
He has some good qualities. Beneath the layers of asshole and fat.
I just saw that your im name has '4eva' in it. Your man card has been revoked.
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
Turns out shot glasses hold the perfect serving of sour patch kids....I still fail to see how not having any real glasses is an issue
I just got a high school volleyball teams practice cancelled because I slept with the head coach through their practice time.
The prostitute across the street from us is having a seizure on her front lawn again.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
U should feel bad.. u r like a sex politician. All talk and no follow thru
I created a photogrid for every picture he has ever sent me of his penis. Now I can see every angle at one time. THIS IS GREAT.
Just found an unopened tied g of coke on the floor in her room... she thinks the maintenance guy dropped it earlier today. This takes the cake for sketchiest apartment.
You know you've got awesome issues when the main deciding factor of whether or not to cut your nails depends on nacho consumption in the near future
Everything was going well until he very loudly said that he wanted to cum on my fingernails.
Randomize