my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
I may or may not be drunk driving a golf cart. Vegaaaassssssss.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
He dared me to drink a bottle of olive oil in exchange for a 30 pack... So much for loosing the freshman fifteen this year.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
You're like a human soul vacuum cleaner.
you need a warning label. Just announcing that you are Scottish is seen more as a challenge. Those guys have no idea what they are getting into.
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
Congratulations on giving me my first and second hickeys last night. I made it almost 30 years without one, but who needs class these days?
She called and said she was waiting for me naked. I got there and she was in ratty sweats, sitting in Nick's lap, with divorce papers. Needless to say my night was shitty.
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize