Ramen noodles and uncensored jerry springer episodes, what a nice life i have.
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Petting the cat and listening to "you've got a friend". This is why I smoke weed. To make sense of situations like this.
4 girls bringing me taco bell. this is what dreams are made of.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
Chilling on my porch debating between pre work drinking or video games and getting high.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
I'm really just disappointed in myself for having sex with a musical theater major
ARE YOU OKAY?
Physically? Yes. Morally? No.
He calculated like a serious conversion in his head the other day and got a crazy number and I was like damn that’s hot please proceed to take your clothes off.
I didn't know it was possible and I don't know if I'll ever be able to do it again on my own but he literally fuck me sideways.
Dude I left his house at 5:30 a.m. after you peed on his front door and then tried to fight me for my blanket. Don't even do that at my house or I will end you.
hahahahaha. Worst. Text. Ever.
Randomize
