This random guy just introduced himself then said "So, I am staying at my friends place and he has a 4 year old, so we should probably go back to your house." WTF kind of vibes do I give off?
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
Well, practice makes perfect. Let's start playing Eye of the Tiger and do a blowjob training montage.
Why is my drynk life bleeding into my real life
I haven't had a normal poop since halloween, we are not mixing vodka and tequila ever again
RESPECT THE VODQUILA
I just want to eat Taco Bell and throw it up on his doorstep.
You threw a handful of caps into a pitcher of Heineken and asked everyone if they wanted to go "bobbing for molly"
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
I know I swore I wouldn't go home with him, but he whispered that he had taquitos and you know how much drunk me loves taquitos.
I never thought I would encounter a situation that was "Too Gay" for me...and yet there I was.
You could cut the tension with my nipples.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
Randomize
