We are walking down to the lake and then i dont know. Where did you sleep?
Places.
Plural? Please tell.
I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
I wanna get so fucked up that I try to catch a coyote in a pillowcase, breakdance fight a lion, and send back some toast at Denny's when I see its slightly burnt.
You've picked up chicks by quoting metal bands
When they're drunk they believe it's Shakespeare...enjoy the simple things
He was at the bottom of the stairs showering himself with the popcorn, then eating a few handfuls and running around.
did i mention he attempted to milk her in backseat?
You can't start the super bowl without starting a kitchen fire making cole slaw. Its unamerican.
I don't even want to know
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Everything was cool until I tried to photo bomb those Hells Angels, then it's all a blank
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
You spent like 10 minutes trying to hit a golf ball that was actually a cigarette butt. And then fell over.
With a butt like mine I'll never have to pay for Netflix again.
Thanks for letting me pee on your bed and cry about nothing to you. You're a real friend
I'll be back in a hour going with Jason to get his nipples tattooed back on again
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
