Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
Most guys don't get turned on by "skinny, gangly legged girl with glasses laying in bed touching herself." You better start working on your diction if you're gonna keep up the sexting.
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
we didnt even have break up sex...
you had it for us with someone else...
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
She stopped mid hookup to ask me if we'd be done before Taco Bell closed.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
Using the balance in my bank account I just calculated how many fifths of vodka I can buy this year. Don't let me buy food, all my money is reserved for alcohol
This is the fourth day in a row I've walked outside in the same pajamas. I think the neighbors have finally given up on judging me.
She complimented my boobs and then told me I smelled like teddy bears before falling asleep on the floor.
Was having relations of the behind variety with my girlfriend. Based on where we were at I could see myself in the bathroom mirror. You know I did the Patrick Bateman point and wink at the mirror and turned on sissudio by Phil Collins.
TJ is going to paint me in a Patriots Jersey he can paint you in an eagle jersey. Did this last year and got so much dick.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
