I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I intend to get homeless drunk
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
The orgasm outlasted the Charlie horse. Pros and cons.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
he was making out with her against the stove and started a fire--the thirst literally almost burned the place down!!
I just fell down my stairs, guess that's how my sunday is gonna go
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
69'd by candlelight when the power went out.
the people in front of me have a grocery cart in their car... i missed college...
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
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