first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
I want to buy her liposuction. And a spot on What Not To Wear. And a face transplant.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
She asked me to dress as captain planet for halloween and told me she was gonna suck the pollution out of my dick.
I wish I could accurately explain the embarrassment of standing in your bathroom with women's nair on your ass waiting to get in the shower.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
If I could steal your goatee and hide it under my bed to keep your from wearing it, I would.
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
I'm always down for nudity.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
