A little boy walked by his parents room one night, looked through the keyhole, and said "and that bitch tells me to stop sucking my thumb!"
Dude, you need to talk to your mom
wtf?
She just called and asked if i would be part of the intervention she's planning for you
i just smoke outta the biggest bowl i've ever seen. the kid was totally compensating for a tiny weeenie.
winter break is gonna be like a weird mixture of rehab fat camp and holiday cheer.
Guy in our group took down a chick in a wheelchair last night.
I'm gonna go out in a limb and say living out middle school fantasies is never a good idea
I left you pizza on the porch. I didn't want to wake you, if you were passed out on the bathroom floor again. Sorry if it's cold.
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
We fucked in your water heater closet. Told you we'd try everywhere.
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I hope you get eaten by satanic starfish.
My doctor said I can only have one drink at a time, ever, from now on. My life has officially started its decline.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
I just threw up in front of a bunch of parents/prospective students while they were on a campus tour..awesome..
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