areee we human. . .oorrr areee we dancerssssss?!
you srsly need to quit going to that bar
i want two things in life...emily to stop talking and a block of cheese.
I just remembered we said the Lord's Prayer before we went out last night.
Best. Four. Twenty. Ever.
I think im drinking tonight later on...which is good cuz i walked pass the liquor aisle the other day and i swear i heard a kid call me a pussy
While looking for an apartment, I've realized that the way I rate balconies is on the "how easy would it be to smoke weed here" scale.
What other scale is there?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
You'd think the dry cleaners next door would be less judgmental for as much business as my theme parties bring them.
but we were going camping. it only made sense to bring the 6 ft bong
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I tried to settle their lesbian roommate fight by turning on Pretty Wild
I'm going to bed early so football can come sooner
You know the sex was good when he had to ask which way was north before he left.
I wish I could send you one of those donuts I had. Like teleport it to you. Because it would change your life
its like i get a dick upgrade with every new guy i screw, at this rate i'm scared to see my next one
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