Mmmm, vodka for breakfast
after he passed out we removed everything electronic from his room, stuck in some old books and an ancient typewriter from goodwill. for 20 min. we had him convinced he'd drunk himself backward in time.
he prob just wants to be friends and here i am photoshopping our kids
I don't think he wanted to hear that my most serious relationship was my 1 1/2 year fuck buddy... I think he figured out that's where he's heading
How do you get a black eye playing beer pong??
i feel like there is just so much pressure to sex him up, its like the weight of the world is on my vagina.
We had an in depth conversion about the best way to take a dick pic. Both with and without mirrors.
sidebar: i fucked your brother last night
The guy that stalks me just looked out his window and saw me in his neighbor's hot tub. Get your shit ready the fraternity wars are starting.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
I really don't want to get drunk alone tonight. Like, I'll do it, but I won't enjoy it.
CURSE YOU AND YOUR SEXY LOGIC
look when god gives you a dick that good for his son's birthday you don't question it
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
