This is not my ceiling
Dude, I woke up at my ex's house. I am spooning her half naked roommate. There is a pizza on my shoulder. I need you to come pick me up.
yeah she was being a bitch. do you remember me stealing ryan cabrerra's beer?!?!
SOME GIRL ON THE STAIRS IN FRONT OF ME JUST FARTED AND IT WENT STRAIGHT INTO MY MOUTH!
The Wii Fit is already telling me I'm an alcoholic.
not exactly restoring sanity, but he is throwing up on the national mall right now
looking back it was a good thing we were too wasted to fire up the chainsaw
Dude I woke up and he was pissing in the corner on his clothes... I called his name an he replied " I got this" and continued.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
she walked in on me throwing up in the sink with my pants around my ankles and I said "i'll be with you in a sec"
Went home with a male stripper who looked like Justin Timberlake.. I started singing cry me a river mid sex. When he sang along I fell in love
DO NOT TOUCH THE SOAP ITS HAD SOME UNORTHODOX USES WITHIN THE PAST 15 HOURS
The list of people who didn't throw up last night is insanely smaller than the list of people who did
So it was a successful night I take it?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You fell while talking to a cop, then proceeded to acuse him of tripping you... he was arresting you for public intox.
Randomize
