literally had 100 drinks last night.
i was hoping the water fountain would somehow shoot out vodka this morning
RJ thinks I should put one of the muffins in my vagina. Good idea or bad idea?
all he has to do is look at me on new years and hes getting laid. thats how hot he is
there is laundry and salad ALL OVER my car, i need context
Girl walking by was talking on the phone about how he needed to write a gratitude list in her letter to god this week. Too stoned
this weekend destroyed me...my brain feels like the curly fry at the bottom of the bag. GAhhh come save me
that's ecstasy for ya. now I'm kinda in the mood for jack in the box.
I'll probably just close my eyes and point to a random name. That will be my vote.
I just realised how much we're failing the women's suffrage movement right now.
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
I'm giving random strangers at the bar sips of my fishbowl, then telling them I have Ebola. It's a fun night.
I might volunteer to give breath samples on the 17th where I would be required to get drunk and then give samples! THE POLICE WOULD PAY ME AND PROVIDE THE ALCOHOL!
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
this is a save-me-from-tijuana-tequila-and-hoookers booty call. if i don't hear from you by 8pm i'm grabbing my passport
if i'm not back tomorrow call the embassy
Some days, I wish I could get a hug from a furry muppet
I don't want to be flamboyant (says the guy who bought a hot pink suit to be a flamingo for Halloween)--but I don't mind being a little extra.
Randomize
