i messed up with two guys last night...one i pranked and left the phone on..the other one i went crazy on trying to be his girlfriend after four jagermeister shots...
yeah my walk of shame consisted of driving on the wrong side of the road at 6am still drunk with cum drying in my hair and left eye.
We learned a valuable lesson from last night. You can, in fact, order bacon on a Big Mac.
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
He has a really nice penis but its like a model that wasn't built to scale
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
When I found her she was drinking wine out of a plastic bag in a bathroom stall, staring at herself in the mirror and crying hysterically. Cabo does things to a person...
Dude. That is just waaaay to much random to process after that tequila battle.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
Holy shit, Uber is testing a service to summon an ice cream truck.
Bring me the penis of the founder so I may endlessly fellate him. Or cunnalinge. I don't discriminate.
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
I woke up sandwiched between them, all of us naked, and they were just sharing a cigarette, a donut, and the paper like it was just some normal post-threesome Sunday brunch.
I'm gonna adopt her diet plan of secretly sleeping w a desperate ex... It combines excersise & loss of appetite due to guilt
You woke up at like 4 in the morning fell off your bunk bead, yelled at Nic for asking if you were ok, walked to the kitchen, pissed on the keg, and then looked at me and said "Still not worth it" then went back to bed.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
Randomize