i just got a Mexican deported. not sure how to feel.
Hangover cure: shower, throw up again, sleep for 4 hours, eat salsa, brush teeth. Good to go.
In the hospital waiting to be tested for the first uti of the school year....I'm BACK BTICHES.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Basically as long as the fan is pointed at my vagina i can cool off enough to sleep.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
Do what? I was just saying that at some point there's a chance I'll have a boner. Think of it like a guessing game. "Does he have one now?"
Because drinking and showering don't go hand in hand. There that's my PSA of the day.
It was only funny because some guy across the street was getting his mail and he just stopped and watched me throw up everywhere
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Did I send you a drunk selfie with a pine tree last night?
Either he pets my cat or this deal is null
Hey! How are you feeling? Still preferring soup over sex?
in fetal position in his closet not sure if he knows im here... hugging his spongebob cake pan i stole.... now please come find me..
Randomize
