Good. You are like the clit whisperer.
hey you didnt make it to our afterparty what happened?
Ran around with a boom box broke a trampoline float, had a girl lick my ear the usual
can you come get me at the bar
ill be there in 10 min
can we stop off at build a bear on the way home
Yep just saw a license plate that read "taint 2" which implies there is a "taint 1". Only in Florida
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
diet's not working. come over. i need someone to fuck the hungry out of me.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
Some guy just drank alcohol from me shoe..I think he's had enough..
Also the bouncer Straight up told me my id was shitty and I should get a new one. But he let me in anyways because #boobz
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
This is the third time this year I've whored myself for a Netflix login. If this guy changes his password, I'm gonna fucking give up.
Or maybe pay for Netflix?
I'm not that desperate yet.
Because cocaine and lesbian hookups on a Tuesday cannot be the new normal
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
Uh oh. Put down the vodka cancel the clowns and get rid of the donkey
you were just in my dream and you looked at me and said "Christmas is cold." I think you're wasted even in my dreams.
Randomize
