And then I said "flip over. I want to show you something i learned in Afghanistan."
Please tell me I didn't pass out while we were having sex last night... and if so I am sooooo sorry.
i would rather give Shaq a handjob than take this accounting final
I hope my liver is having as much fun as I am
At least you weren't that one girl in the bar that was letting everyone draw on her in sharpie. Worst decision I've ever witnessed.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
the bar tender told me i could keep an air matress in the backroom.
NO HOOKUPS IN THE CAR. I will try as i might to practice what i preach, but there are no guarantees.
Whenever I'm hungover I try to stay in public as much as possible, hoping to be a cautionary tale to children. It's a public service, really.
As he was going down on me, I looked over his shoulder and said "ohh a Christian mingle commercial is on"
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
YO CONGRATULATIONS ON YOUR MÉNAGE À TROIS. YOU GO, GLENN COCO
Mom kept me on a leash as a kid, did you know this?
When she went in the beer store I got to hold it.
We're making a scrapbook of dick pics, you want in or what?
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
Randomize
