yo - did your mom get a boob job (I think she did)
spencer pratt says his family invinted chess
that kid is like the al gore of hollywood.
we were so high we made up an elaborate backstory because we were paranoid about going into the wig shop w/o being serious wig shoppers
i definitely just woke up with half of a cigarette tucked underneath my balls. Last night must have been interesting
I don't think i can handle my uncle say again that kid rock is a true musician....
She tried catching cigarette ashes on her tongue like snowflakes.
Cocaine Wednesdays have to stop turning into no work Thursday
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
I'm so bored right now i'm literally Googleing all the possible ways to get high with household items as my mom is sitting in front of me..
I need an adult. someone more adult than my current state
He talked for 3 hours straight on how his dad is a dentist how fuck do you think my night was
last night i fell off a barstool and busted my nose. i can regretfully say that i didn't see cherub last night.
So the 25yr old smokeshow I fucked last night said "Prepare to be disappointed" as he put the condom on. I was. 40 is bullshit.
I'm really sorry I called you a "smug, arrogant, boyfriend-fucking piece of defecation". I was super drunk.
I was going to be mad, but then I remembered you don't use autocorrect and spelled everything correctly and I was kinda impressed.
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
Randomize
