If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
I am soup sandwich. I have been at dAnce party
from the looks of the bare footprints in the snow it looks like i was dancing in circles which explains the frozen puke
Dont get mad at me, it takes two to tango
IT TAKES ONE TO EJACULATE INTO THE OTHER WITHOUT CONSENT, AND SPOILER ALERT, ITS THE ONE WITH A SCROTUM FULL OF SEMEN.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Two run-ins with cops/park rangers tonight and now I'm just wandering around high and shirtless
Sacramento doesn't deserve you
I feel like shit, and I can't get the band aids off my nipples.
woke up. showered n got ready. had sex. and was still 15 minutes early to work... its gonna be a good day!
random boy in my bed. last night wasnt a dream. fuck.
Randomize
