lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
I'm telling everyone at work the mark on my neck is a hickey but really I was taking a shit while straightening my hair and burned myself
please dont pick me up from the airport dressed like a terrorist.
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
Is it okay to send him a "thanks for the sexual awakening" note?
After I was kicked out of the last frat I blacked out, woke up in the hospital with no clothes no phone and no idea what happened last night. But i got hospital socks, thats a win in my book.
Are u guys proud? I puked my brains out last night at a strip club. While my two fave strippèrs held my hair
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
Randomize
