why was he too nerdy?
he was a tetris block for halloween
This is not a drunk text right now. This is an i want your dick text. There is a difference.
My cleaning lady broke my bubbler. It's awkward between us now.
Why?
Because she knows I do drugs and I know she's a clumsy bitch.
Just told him about my threesome. if that doesn't make him want to date me nothing will.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
scarred for life. way too high and witnessed some chick give a dude head on the dance floor
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
What was the name of that place where we saw that concert? It was like a warehouse and some guy was living in the loft above the stage...
It's called: a legit place to drop acid.
Do me a favor? If you get with him, please lick his abs. Someone has too they're just too beautiful not to.
His penis is small and he doesnt like Harry Potter. HE HAS NO REDEEMING QUALITIES WHAT AM I EVEN DOING HERE
Everyone was in the walk-in getting high, and I had to be all cool. Serving soup and salads. Night manager status doesn't pay enough.
I'm moving out of my place and I just gave my mom a couch that I had sex on last night. Reduce, reuse, recycle at its best.
So I'm just casually at the grocery store when I remember that there's still a clove of garlic in my vagina
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
Randomize
