You gave me the wrong number last night so I texted someone else something I definitely shouldn't have.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
How long after st. Patrick's day is it ok to shit green before I should seek medicial attention?
If a "boob" guy and an "ass" guy are discussing which you are better qualified for....just let them
dude, i turned on the light and asked if they were ok and they STILL didn't stop. Most determined sex EVER.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
No, I know her type. Tall, lanky, uses teeth when giving head, and runs like a giraffe. Don't do it man..
There is nothing quite so pathetic as sitting in bed in your underwear eating easy mac in complete silence, waiting for Netflix to load
It blows my mind that pandora doesn't have an : I want to lay in bed in the dark and be sad and cold and eat frozen mangos and chipotle all day station
I think I have a bro crush.. When I imagine him, I imagine him waking up to go take a shower and just finding three bitches making out waiting for him. Like that awesome.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
This was the fourth year in a row I got arrested at Pride. Pretty sure that qualifies me as a legend.
Stay away a while longer.
Still not sure if they're cops or strippers.
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
