she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
I would have added her but her profile pic was piece of pie
I think I just made patron unclassy I bought limes at a gas station and for salt we are using gas station packets of salt
this is the second time in my life i thought i might need to go to rehab. im including all the mornings that i wake up in dewey beach as "the first time"
Dad, is it in any way illegal for me to run around throwing handfuls of lucky charms at people tomorrow?
you're kidding right?
We're using joints as your birthday candles
I'm watching my cat lick a used condom wrapper on my nightstand and I'm too hungover to move and do anything about it. Tequila Tuesdays can not be a thing.
We smoked a bowl in front of the abortion clinic shouting Obama at the protestors.
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
I woke up with my shoes still on and my pants around my ankles cause I couldn't get them over my shoes
Thursday is not a good day to become a felon... It's bingo night
On a brief change if topic, last night I dreamt I got shit faced with bill Nye the science guy and we went bar to bar and explained the science of alcohol to everyone who'd give us free drinks. We wore bow ties
Every day I wake up and there is no spectacular morning wood waiting for me I get so sad.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
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