It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
ok watching intervention on tv. when i hit rock bottom - i wanna be THIS chick.
Had a couple pieces of pizza for breakfast...suck on that Jamie Oliver.
I'm not gonna lie. having my legs shaved for me in the morning was a lovely surprise.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
I just banged that chick from the bar by speaking french. all i had to do was recite my grocery list
You're like the Mr. T of my A-team, only less gold jewelry and more pitying of fools.
That's the nicest thing anyone has said to me all day.
Saying you need a hooker then asking me to have sex is NOT the way to get laid. Booty call 101.
Like 50% of me thinks it'll be weird, 25% of me is curious & 25% of me is horny
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
And you will die and be carried in a backpack before I allow you not to comply in this tomfoolery.
Now I’m honestly wondering if I took this kids virginity
Not this time. I'm drinking in my sweatpants which means I've given up for the day and shouldn't be in public.
And I think she just drunkenly ordered an ipad. she said it was so pretty she couldn't keep it "locked up" because an ipad has to be let free.
Randomize
