Bro can a girl get pregnant if i jizz in her mouth?
hahahahahahahahahahaha
we're at the bar and some girl dropped a bottle of burnettes strawberry vodka out of her purse and it broke.
i mean, if that's not class, then i don't know what is
Sorry about all the noise last night. We were trying to break bottles by kicking soccer balls at them. If it's any consolation, there's shattered glass and blood all over my kitchen.
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
we just bought Vicodin from the Chinese delivery guy, this day just keeps getting better.
You grabbed her hand and started jacking her finger off. She was horrified.
Did it finish?
Ok, it's starting to sound like someone's out there trying to learn to play the trombone while breaking kitchenware.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
We are so blessed to to have nicely shaped vaginas
I thank god almighty everyday
I'd marry him just to keep his penis in the country
Awk moment when I forgot to tell my hookup about visitor parking so he got towed
Sarah was butt-chugging wine and diarrhea'd all over the wall
We're gonna have to check the security cameras after last night
I don't like kids.
You were literally holding a baby 5 minutes ago
I like them before they learn to speak and after they learn to think.
The fuck kind of sorcerer makes a pact with tequila
Most of the people I know from AA
Haha touché
Randomize
