spell your last name, im trying to find you on facebook
She called it mighty mouse.. And from there it was down hill
hahahahaha your sister just walked down from the guest house with a stain on the front of her shirt and "owned" written in blue sharpie on her forehead. i dont think she knows what happened last night either.
He's paying me $45 to clean his room and $55 if i find the oxy that he lost.
i just made mint juleps with bourbon and fresh breath strips. i am the macgyver of alcohol.
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
We have to give a final comment in english, i think i might say "i learned it's a bad idea to make out with people in your classes who have girlfriends."
I feel bad for the next person that's gonna live in my room. There's so much semen on the carpet
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
With a stable of 7 fuck buddies, I literally use a random number generator to determine the order in which I will booty call them on my way home from work. I have not slept in my own bed in a month. I just keep half my clothes hanging in my car or in a suitcase.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
He drove me to my therapist appointment because I was too drunk to drive. Total keeper.
I don't really want to explain what i mean by this so just answer yes or no. are 5 cows enough?
Randomize
