what kind of vibe do I give off that a guy i've never hung out with thinks its okay to send me a picture of his ball cleavage?
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I'm eating cereal out of the pocket of my flannel right now
i just won "most creative" category in the condom contest in human sexuality by licking it onto a cucumber. my feedback forms included three phone numbers, one with a Magnum XL taped to it
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
i love all of you. Physical. Emotional. Mental. All of it. When we speak i feel like a feather or a dragon depending on the conversation ...
Someone painted a weed leaf on my leg with red paint. Or blood. I hope paint.
Holy fuck just found a used tampon in the leg of my pants. it's not paint. It's. Not. Paint.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Anyway. I unfriended all of these people like a grown up and I am never talking to them again
My sobriety has gotten out of control. I think I need an intervention.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
I had sex while you were puking this morning and I'm sorry. Kind of.
It's ok. I had sex while you were drunk crying last night. We're even.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
And ANOTHER guy that I once got naked is doing gay porn now. Wtf? Am I the audition?!
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