as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
I feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
New drinking game watching teenage mutant ninja turtles movie and drinking every time raphael says damn, someone says april or ms oneil, and shredder appears And every time we see a mustache
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
After the tests come back negative, you guys will look back on this evening with fond memories...
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
Do you think I can wear the dress I went to jail in with the shoes I went to prom in to the wedding tonight?
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I'm giving head in a stairwell, I'll be back in a few minutes. I'm so ashamed.
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
Stop calling my penis "Fat Jesus"
He lives in a tent in my ex'd backyard. Why the fuck would you want any of that dirty dick?
Good, but still not as good as the guy I banged in the ball crawl
Randomize
