would you object to me following you around all the time with a video camera and selling it to TV? Your life could make me millions.
I swear, if he gets me a bowling ball for Christmas, I will throw it at him.
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
got my wristband ripped off, was told i can only be served water. please find me, i'll be running through the fountain
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
It was an 11am booty call. We were both out of our element.
I asked if he wants to help me spring forward at 2am on Sunday. He seems down.
I just yelled at a bunch of girl scouts for yelling "cookies" to loudly. That hungover
Attempted to dodge my boyfriends cum last night and ended up falling off the bed and getting the worlds most painful charlie horse. fuck my life.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
Friends don't let friends put redi whip in their wine
I feel like my foot is being amputated. Or maybe it's the vodka. I couldn't tell you.
I've got a tequila scented hand sanitizer for you.
you're the best roommate i could ever have.
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
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