I promise you 4 toothbrushes taped together and lube does not do the trick
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
there is mayo everywhere what the fuckkkk
Funny. I made out with his brother for the first time in a bathroom too.
dude, i woke up with a mini keg on my night stand. again. like wtf
Speaking of testosterone. I saw a girl with a moustache thicker than one I can grow last night...
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
I'm still pretty drunk right now, but when this hangover hits me, I'm going to be super pissed. It's a preemptive never drinking again.
I was woke up by the fucking Star Spangled Banner this morning. I sat up in bed and put my hand over my naked heart. I was so confused
So you are wearing a heart monitor while drinking?
Yea, they said carry on with my everyday activity.
You don't know weird until you've had a musical wet dream about your older brother.
Today I had sex and flossed at the same time. My relationship goals have been exceeded.
Went on a blind date. Afterwards I ripped my pants off and said "it's game time". He was into it.
Good rule of thumb: only list personal references with whom you have hallucinated
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
