the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
she offered me iced tea and went to go change.then her dad came in the door.i thought i was on how to catch a predator.
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I had to explain to her that pussy doesn't mean a cat
you said "tonight pinky, we take over the world" and then came in my face
They're sharing a mixed drink at a bar with straws...its like a disney movie with booze
I just miserably failed my own drug test. At least I know what a positive will look like when I give them to the employees tomorrow.
wow, you never really realize how many muscles you have in your crotch until you pull them all.
while he was teaching, every time he said "wet" he would look at me, that's what you get for sleeping with the professor's assistant
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
I don't know what you're doing this morning, but obtaining Plan B is my number-one priority.
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
when I finally convinced you to get off the floor you looked at me wild-eyed and said "the carpet was a VAST EXPANSE OF SEA"
i was ready to conquer the fucking world. i would have fought vin deisel to the death without hesitation
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