One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
So this girl in my math class just went to the bathroom, tampon in hand, comes back with it still in her hand starts digging around in her purse, takes her thing of birthcontrol out, goes oh fuck, and downs the rest of the pills. Got to love college.
i wish every aspect of life was like a bar. flirt with the cute guy two feet across from you and get whatever you want for free
come over. we are watching hoarders and playing i spy.
just weighed my balls on my pocket scale. that high.
way to not show up for Habitat for Humanity, real classy...
I saved lives by not driving this morning
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
From now on when a guy sends me a dick picture I'm going to send them a picture of some other dudes dick.
This is literally engraved into my seat "Need crack?" And then there's a number. This isn't real.
I'm tryin a pb and onion sandwich now
Please smoke with me until I agree that sounds like a good idea
When someone's woman crush wednesday is an ultrasound of her unborn daughter...
I can't
It's like my uterus needs a hug... and anti depressants
This morning, I found 5 naked people in Steve's bed with post sex hair, and Steve fully clothed sleeping on the ground.
All I can remember from last night was eating nutella and touching myself to Weird Science.
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Randomize
