I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
By the way the fattest man alive got married yesterday and I don't even have a boyfriend.
I tried to go shot for shot with some guy called "shit show martinez"
he told me I talked like a deaf person
just saw a dude in a v-neck sweater on a bike drinking starbucks. way to feed the stereotypes white dude.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
Recording ancient aliens and the third Reich. Stoned you will thank me later.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
Randomize
