My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
I'm gonna have bed sores at the end of this hangover.
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
My poo smells like dog food. That's how I know it was a good night.
we literally hit three floors of our apartment building searching for condoms. also got macaroni.
i get drunk faster, i spend less money on food, and i'm losing a shit ton of weight. depression and its pills are doing wonders for me
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
He sent me a picture of a gas station condom and said "we probably shouldn't use this but if I was to impregnate someone on accident I'd want it to be you"
his ex girlfriend sent him a pic of her naked in the bathtub so I sent her a pic of me sucking his dick
I don't fucking know. He perched his parrot on his dick. I left after that.
Emojis can't explain what he felt when that ass dropped
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
There are twenty eight units in that building. There has to be at least one heterosexual in it. You can't have fucked your way through all of it.
Randomize
