At the bar. Guy comes up wearing a hollister shirt and says "lets blow this popsicle stand"
You fucking left with him didn't you?!
That shit is worth it...they got medicine for that now a days
He's so gross, but the preschooler inside me is screaming that this is her life dream and I have to be with him or she'll never forgive me.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
Everything's fine I'm just stoned and my pillows are too soft.
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
I swear going to your house is like going to a strip club, no matter what happens I get glitter on me.
I want to but I can't have a boner while doing a install and working with a customer
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
He stopped eating me out to remind me to look at the stars
Tell me that I didn't just get ash in my Russian and just mix it TF in bc who cares and life has no meaning.
Randomize
