do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
drug dealer added me on facebook, win ?
omg no way im finding him!
he has no pics of his face, and im always drunk so i cant remember if hes cute or not, but he told me im in his phone as "party girl" which is fitting i guess cause im dragging my hungover ass to buy preggo tests, and i had to get the cheap ones cause i blew all my cash on coke.
I got it! After our exam we take shots for every question we skipped!!!
I don't wanna die...
Dude... You bled on his hand... At this point it doesn't matter that you called him your exes name, seriously.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
please dont make me drink to the titanic soundtrack
got extra credit for showing up to class before a holiday. it hit me 5 minutes later that she meant easter....
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
It was pretty bad. Like cum-on-my-face-while-singing-Let-It-Snow bad.
Well, when he's back from China he's probably gonna be pissed I used the spare key he gave me to prove to everyone I'm fucking an NBA player. We took all his booze too.
I totally gave him head in sync to Beastie Boy's Sabotage playing in the background.
So hungover. Walked into room and poached their catering before realized in wrong place. Scowled and ate it anyway
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
I have betrayed my no carb ways & I can feel it.
Embrace it. Come over to the dark side. I'll feed you muffins while stroking your hair.
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