I must be too annoying 4 u.
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
Gin and redbull in a wine glass. They think I'm keeping my wits with a really yellow Chardonnay. Gonna get ugly after a couple.
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
As an added realisation of today. If we used the last time I got laid as a conceiving date I would have a two week old baby. It's been too long...
i can't believe i'm giving you sex advice.
i've gotten sex advice under stranger situations. like while giving a blowjob behind the communications building.
I wish on days I started my period Chipotle would come to my house with a burrito bar ... Then give me a chocolate cake and a large beer.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
I serenaded the cat in the hat for a few 90s songs but idk who he is
I don't get it. If he broke into Taco Bell at 2 am, then why couldn't he have brought me home a fucking taco???
Randomize
