Either your mom needs to stop making spagetti or we need to lay off the anal. I cant tell you how much im in pain.
Spagetti cuz im not giving up the other one.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
Life is so much better after having sex.
Oscar is the man. He keeps getting pictures of hot nude women with messages in spanish saying "i hope you like it" sent to his phone
whose oscar?
the baller who i guess decided to give out a fake number at the bar last weekend. luckily that fake number was mine. i have enough porn to last me until next month.
I prob couldn't even get his attention if I had a dick growing out of my forehead
He gave me a hug and said "He doesn't deserve you, Anna. Your boobs are great, and I'd fuck you anytime. Any. Place." I need a new 'gay' friend.
So I am guessing last night was a success we are all accounted for and only 3 of us have hospital bracelets on
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I ate you ate to the whole david gray album
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
So do I get to ride the beginning of the November stache or what?
Don't tell me I can do whatever makes me happy while also saying I have to put on pants.
Apparently I've texted the word shitfucked so much it auto-completes it now.
So I was dancing on a table with these three girls and my bro. Started to makeout with one and as the song ended I asked what her name was. She said, and I quote, "Nate we hooked up two weeks ago". To which my reply was to lift my beer to bro and proclaim, "RAGE".
Randomize
