2 v-cards in one night. impossible is nothing.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
Will you come get her? She's trying to get the pizza guy into the bathtub.
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
Oh my god I'm so bored. The virgin is so disinteresting when I'm not trying to cum on her face.
It wasn't the stripper that gave you the hickey but I just figured out who did
The neighborhood kids rang the doorbell in the middle of my first bong rip to ask if they could use my trampoline for the thirtieth time today...I opened the door and pretended to puke up a shitload of smoke, I have never seen a more terrified group of children
Woke up w/ the same freshman as last Saturday but we were sober this time. Is that a relationship?
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Lucky bitch I'm at work covered in Jeff pee. And my hair smells like beer because I was trying to prove a point about PBR serving multiple purposes.
I’m not saying you’re wrong, I’m just saying he’s denying what you’re saying.
Randomize
