new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
I just want you to know the floor between our rooms isnt sound proof "Captain Cock"
i pounded out a 17-yr-old on saturday night
no, that is not a typo
i turned her down on fri night, googled the state consent laws & then caved on saturday
she's unstoppable after she starts doing shots and yelling NANNER
it's not that I hate people, I just want to rip most of their faces off.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
Just sitting here contemplating the meaning of life.
So you're drunk waiting for the bus.
I woke up with a dick pic from the ex-Mormon via email. Not really what I wanted to see before my first cup of coffee this morning, but I gotta say, I'm impressed.
To show us how offended you were you took off the right foot of your pterodactyl suit and proceeded to attack us with it.
He's so in love with you that you could fuck a blood relative and he'd be like "I just want you to be happy"
Yeah so then I used the selfie stick his mom gave me to take nudes
I’m literally watching say yes to the dress, eating fancy cheeses with crackers, and I have orange dark chocolates. All of which is being washed down with merlot. And I’m 100% sure a porno is gonna go down next door tonight. They don’t have a car and arrived via taxi. Happy holidays from motel 6 Pendleton Oregon!
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
