There are 3 speedbumps now up. Think you can manage the urge to piss on them?
Aw shit! That's like putting me a in a room full of Captiain Crunch Donuts and Jasper Hale and not letting me put my mouth on either.
Walk of Shame time yet?
Dude she's 6"2, blonde and on the cheerleading team. I look like Seth Rogen's fatter, unfunny brother. What shame am I supposed to be feeling?
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
I fucking, woke up on a couch with a towel as a blanket to someones lion king ringtone.
She was lying on the table chugging back something when the table broke
She kept going
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
BUT YOU MUST FINISH YOUR QUEST
TO FIND THE HOLY GRAIL
AND GET DRUNK OFF YOUR ASS BY DRINKING OUT OF IT
I need you to perform a face transplant. Please remove your face from your accounting book and relocate it to where it's most needed - between my legs.
Waiting on the notification from my fitness pal that tells me I'm an alcoholic
You can’t judge a dick by its balls.
Okay so my roommate deals some drugs so whenever he leaves we can hook up, be ready
I didn't know I was the on call booty call damn
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
Gotta go, there’s a chick at my door that wants to give me head
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